A Guide To Assisted Living for Couples

In a perfect world, you’d never have to worry about being away from your partner. Unfortunately, some senior couples have to live separately due to differences in their personal and medical needs. With so many senior living options available, there’s no reason you should be away from the person who knows you best and has been with you through thick and thin.

Enter: assisted living for couples. Some assisted living communities allow spouses to live together, easing the transition into senior living. Continuing to live with your partner may help you avoid loneliness and depression, which are serious concerns for older adults who’ve been separated from their spouses. Assisted living also makes it easier to address your health and personal care needs without having to sacrifice your relationship.

Currently, the average American has a life expectancy of 76.1 years. That’s nearly 10 years longer than the life expectancy projections in 1965. With many seniors living longer, the demand for senior living is also likely to increase. Assisted living for couples fulfills the need for high-quality care without forcing couples to live apart just to get the services they need.

This guide provides an overview of assisted living for couples, including what it is, why it’s beneficial and how to pay for it. You’ll also find a checklist to help you determine which assisted living community is right for you and your partner.

When you think of assisted living, perhaps you imagine yourself taking an exercise class, going on a field trip to a local museum or walking around beautifully landscaped grounds. Assisted living for couples gives you access to everything a traditional assisted living community has to offer, except you get to stay with your partner instead of living in separate rooms or residences.

Of course, the services and amenities provided depend on the community you choose, but assisted living usually offers the following:

• Housekeeping services
• Laundry services
• Personal care assistance
• Meals and snacks
• Group activities

Some communities offer resort-style living, giving residents access to chef-prepared meals, golf courses and a wide range of personal services, from hairstyling to personal training. Whether you choose a standard assisted living community or a community with luxury amenities, you never have to worry about mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters or doing any other type of maintenance.

Imagine how much happier you’ll be when you and your spouse don’t have to quibble over who’s going to water the plants or shovel the driveway after a big snowstorm. When you move to assisted living, you can focus on enjoying life instead of worrying about home repairs and maintenance.

Now that you understand what assisted living for couples is, it’s only natural to wonder about the benefits it offers. Everyone has a slightly different experience, but moving to an assisted living community with your partner may help with the following:

• Companionship: If you had to move into assisted living without your partner, there’s a good chance you’d make friends with some of the other residents. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, however, there’s no substitute for their companionship. Assisted living for couples allows you to stay with the person who knows your health history inside and out, understands your likes and dislikes and wants to make you happy.
• Financial security: When you move to assisted living, your room and board charges typically cover meals, snacks, recreational activities and other basic services. In some cases, the cost of assisted living works out to be less than what you’d pay for housing, groceries, utilities, maintenance and related costs for your own home. Assisted living may even cost less than in-home care for two people, saving you money on personal care expenses.
• Access to personal care: No matter how long you’ve been together, you may not feel comfortable asking your partner for help with grooming and other basic activities of daily living. Assisted living communities provide personal care assistance, allowing you and your partner to maintain your dignity and privacy without letting your needs go unfulfilled.
• Stronger family ties: According to the American Psychological Association, caring for a family member may hurt a caregiver’s mental or physical health, making it more difficult to maintain healthy relationships. If you and your spouse move to assisted living, you don’t have to worry about caring for each other, which may help preserve your relationship as you age. Assisted living may also prevent a child, sibling or other relative from having to care for you, making it easier to maintain strong family bonds.

It’s clear that assisted living for couples offers several benefits beyond what you’d find in other settings. To find the right fit for you and your partner, look for these amenities:

• Shared accommodations: You and your partner could always live in separate rooms, but that defeats the purpose of looking for assisted living specifically for couples. When you share a room or an apartment, you get a private space where you can display cherished mementos and enjoy each other’s company without worrying about other residents hearing your conversations.
• Dietary adjustments: Just because you live with someone doesn’t mean the two of you have to eat the same foods all the time. Look for an assisted living community that offers a variety of menu items and has kitchen staff who are willing to make adjustments based on your personal preferences.
• Multiple levels of care: Even if you’re around the same age, there’s no guarantee that you and your partner will have the same needs as you get older. If one of you requires extra assistance, moving to a community with multiple levels of care makes it easier for both of you to get the services you need to thrive.
• Activities for couples: Assisted living communities typically offer a variety of recreational activities, but it’s important to participate in couples-only activities when you can. Regular date nights improve communication and increase stability within relationships, making them an important part of maintaining a healthy marriage. Look for an assisted living community that offers couples-only dinners or other activities just for couples.
• Private event space: Hosting your own events makes it easier to maintain strong family connections without having to travel elsewhere for every special occasion. Look for a community that has a private dining room or other private event space available for birthdays, anniversaries and other events.

No matter how good the amenities are, an assisted living community isn’t the right fit unless it can accommodate both of your needs. If one of you has mobility issues or some other type of health concern, it’s important to choose a community that offers more than just basic personal care services.

Standard assisted living facilities typically provide help with activities of daily living and medication administration, but they don’t provide medical care. Fortunately, some communities offer specialized services for residents with specific conditions. For example, you may be able to find a community for people with Parkinson’s disease or developmental disabilities.

Another option is to look for a community with multiple levels of care. As noted previously, it’s common for one person in a relationship to need more care than the other person. Moving to a facility with multiple levels of care allows you both to get the services you need without having to live apart.

Websites and brochures don’t list every service available at an assisted living community, so it’s important to take a tour or ask questions over the phone before committing to a care provider. Use the checklist below to find out if the communities in your area can accommodate you and your partner’s varying needs.

It’s only natural to be concerned about the cost of senior care, especially if you’re on a budget. According to the Genworth Financial 2021 Cost of Care Survey, assisted living costs an average of $4,500 per month. That’s the cost for one person, so you can expect to pay more if you and your spouse decide to move in together. You don’t have to pay double if you both live in the same room or apartment, but there may be a surcharge for extra meals, personal services and activities.

Your costs may also increase if one of you needs a higher level of care. For example, memory care typically costs 25% more than standard assisted living. Memory care is a specialized form of care available to older adults with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia. It costs more to hire qualified staff and provide enhanced security, so you may pay more if you or your spouse needs this type of care.

If assisted living sounds like a good fit, it’s important to think about how you’ll pay for it. Paying out of pocket is an option, but not everyone can afford to cover the cost of room and board with their Social Security benefits or retirement savings. Assisted living is a form of personal care, not medical care, so it isn’t usually covered by Medicare or private health insurance.

You may be able to use the following programs to cover some or all of your costs:

• Long-term care insurance: Long-term care insurance is a special type of insurance designed to cover an individual’s long-term care expenses. It’s possible to buy a policy that covers assisted living, making it easier to afford senior care. Some policies pay a maximum amount per day or run out after a certain number of years, so check with your insurance agent before you purchase coverage.
• Medicaid: Medicaid is a health insurance program designed for individuals with limited resources. Some states have waiver programs in place to help older adults pay for assisted living and other types of long-term care. Even if your state’s waiver program doesn’t cover the full cost of assisted living, you may be able to use your benefits to pay for a significant portion of your expenses.
• Medicare: Medicare only pays for medically necessary services. Although you can’t use Medicare to pay for room and board at an assisted living community, you may be able to use it to cover the cost of certain services. For example, if a physical therapist comes in twice per week, your Medicare plan may pay for them to help you recover from an injury or improve your mobility.
• Private health insurance: Like Medicare, private health insurance doesn’t pay for services that aren’t medically necessary. However, your insurer may pay for physical therapy, speech-language therapy or other services provided in an assisted living setting.
• Veterans benefits: The Department of Veterans Affairs offers an Aid and Attendance benefit to veterans who need help bathing, eating or performing other daily functions. If your assisted living community provides help with these tasks, you may be able to use your benefits to cover some of your costs.

Here’s who to contact for more information about the financial programs above.

As you can see, assisted living offers many benefits for couples. However, it isn’t always the right option, especially if you and your partner have drastically different needs. Here are four alternatives.

If neither of you needs the personal assistance available in an assisted living setting, consider a senior apartment or 55+ community instead. These communities are designed specifically for older adults, so they have a variety of amenities designed to appeal to seniors with active lifestyles. Many 55+ communities are in places with mild winters, such as Arizona and Florida, so there’s no need to worry about snow and freezing temperatures putting a damper on your plans.

Independent living is another option for couples who don’t quite need the level of care available in assisted living communities. Although independent living communities don’t provide personal assistance, they do offer support to older residents. Amenities vary, but it’s possible to find communities with swimming pools, gyms and clubhouses, making it easy to stay active and make friends with other residents.

A continuing care retirement community, often called a CCRC, is a community that offers several levels of care all in one place. Even if you qualify for assisted living now, one of you may need a higher level of care in the future. For example, your spouse may develop a serious illness, causing them to need a nursing home level of care. Moving to a CCRC allows you both to get the care you need without having to live at separate facilities. It’s also more convenient because you don’t have to worry about choosing a new community and moving your belongings.

As noted above, memory care is for people with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia. This type of facility usually has extra security features to keep residents safe. For example, many communities have locked elevators and exit doors to prevent residents from wandering away. Moving to a community that offers both memory care and assisted living makes it easier for couples to maintain their relationships without skimping on the care they need to live happy, healthy lives.