What is your biggest piece of advice? posted by Rilera @ 10:29 PM March 22, 2008

Rilera — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:29:26 -0000

Judy, I can relate. I find that if I just let it roll off my back and say, Oh, I'm sorry, things are much better. If your Mom has Alzheimer's it could just be the disease making her act up.

What is your biggest piece of advice? posted by Rilera @ 10:26 PM March 22, 2008

Rilera — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:26:27 -0000

If you're are considering moving your parents in with you consider how you are going to split expenses. In fact, after consulting with an elder law attorney I learned that I should probably have drawn a contract up between Mom and me when we moved in together. If at some point she spends down her assets and applies for Medicaid, they look back 60 months (5 years) to see how the money has been spent and if good records weren't kept then they could decide that the money has not in fact been spend down yet.

What is your biggest piece of advice? posted by Pat @ 10:16 PM March 22, 2008

Pat — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:16:43 -0000

My grandpa and my uncle ended up acting as if they hated one another. My dad was a bit stand offish because the relationship soured so much, so quickly.

I thought it would get worse when we needed a caregiver from an agency to come in and help out (my grandpa needed more hands-on care, and my uncle needed respite). It actually got better. As the owner of a home-care company, I thought it would be a nightmare introducing someone else into this dynamic (I have seen it 1000 times). Not so in this case.

My grandpa always amazed me.

What is your biggest piece of advice? posted by Lisa B @ 06:03 PM March 17, 2008

Lisa B — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 18:03:53 -0000

" Sounds like what you're saying isthat what your parents say is much more a reflection on them than on you. "

YES! That is a great way to put it and it's definitely worth remembering!! It's hard not to take things personally.

Judy- My mom is the SAME way about "pouting for days" after a disagreement. Drives me nuts.

Lisa

What is your biggest piece of advice? posted by Kirby F @ 04:33 AM March 14, 2008

Kirby F — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 04:33:11 -0000

Guys,

Sounds like you're both saying that you just have to learn that what your parents say is much more a reflection on them than on you.

This is advice I can use every day, in many situations.

Thanks for helping me imagine what it might be like to have my parents move in. I feel like I'm getting the wisdom without any of the cost. Lucky me.

What is your biggest piece of advice? posted by Judy @ 06:07 PM March 10, 2008

Judy — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:07:51 -0000

Lisa,, wow! I feel your pain! My mom was always a very good cook and very particular about how it was fixed...I never enjoyed cooking around her because she was so picky. Sooooo,, here I am cooking for them every day. It is so hard,, I can never get it right. (being the baby of the family). Even the instant oatmeal is too thick or too thin. : ) I have spent many hours bawling after a meal... it is getting better,, I have learned to just keep quiet and do my thing.. With my mom there is no picking battles,,, there cant be any. : ) She will pout for days if I disagree with her about anything.. best to just be quiet. I have found that just a simple "ok",, will pretty much calm her. Then I go about doing what I gotta do..

What is your biggest piece of advice? posted by Lisa B @ 02:35 AM March 10, 2008

Lisa B — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 02:35:31 -0000

What do you feel is the biggest tip or piece of advice for others who have a parent or other loved one living in their home? While I believe books and articles are an amazing resource, some of the best advice I've gotten in life is from others who have been in similar situations.

For me, the best piece of advice that I was given was "pick your battles". This one took me a LONG time to "get". For example, my mom had very set ideas of how certain household chores should be done and would insist her way was the only right way to do it. It drove me crazy to feel like I had to all of a sudden switch to her way of doing things or risk a "head-butting" conversation about it with her. I found myself saying WAY too many times " We've managed to run a household for xxxx years before you moved in, I'm pretty sure we know what we're doing! " But over time, I realized that I had to let the small stuff go and pick/save my battles for the larger issues such as privacy time or money matters. It was hard- at one point I had to write little notes to myself such as "It's JUST dishes", to remind myself to not waste my energy on bickering over the small things.

I would love to hear your tips and advice!