Parent insists on privacy with her doc

Yowsers.  Its so difficult to deal with irrationality.  Its one thing if a person has cognitive abilities to be responsible for their own life, but when that's gone, to me that's a signal that the rules change.

If it were me, I'd call her doctor and speak to the doc directly about  all the concerns with her mother.  I'd enlist the doctor to help and to support me.

With my Dad, at this time in his life I have to let him live his choice as much as it pains me.  If it starts looking like he can't manage, then,  I think it will have to be something I can live with too.

Don't know if that helps or not.....

I'm wondering about the patient privacy rules.  If someone has dementia does that change anything?   Or do you have to get a power of attorney or something to be able to talk to the doctor?

On the other hand, I was just reading on this site about 'reflective conversations'  and the idea of drawing out your mother to talk about what she is feeling and how she is doing in a non-judgemental way. 

Yes Bodhi, you need to get guardianship or power of attorney to attend someone else's medical appointments (without their explicit permission) and to have access to their medical information. I'm not a lawyer, but I understand this can be a simple or complicated process, depending on the family dynamics, condition of the patient, personalities of the lawyers, etc. If a life-threatening procedure is required and the patient has dementia, medical guardianship can be acquired pretty quickly. But for routine care, it can be a long process.  "Reflective conversations" seems an intriguing way to go.

When my mom reached the point that she needed more help, It was when she got pnemonia, she was hospitalized for 19 days. I got a medical power of attorney. I did this when the hospital social worker came in and tried to get my mom to sign a do not resusitate order (DNR). ( The dr. didn't think she would make it.) With that one little order I now have the right to know exactly what is going on at all times with my mom. At the time my mom could not think clearly or make decisions for herself. Had I not step in when I did no telling what might have happened. I thank God for answering my prayers and guiding me in the right direction. Momma doesn't fuss anymore when I want to check with her doctors.

In NY state, you can get a release form from the doctor. On this form you can state who can have access to the patient's records. Always put at least two names (you never know if you may become unavailable).The only catch is that the patient must sign it.Maybe the doctor can explain to her the importance of it. Disguise the form and tell her " it's just more paperwork that the doctor needs".I do not know of the legal ramifications of doing that. Even if the other person named on the form is out of town,that's ok. My sister called the doctor from out of town and it was so helpful to have her point of view. In fact I've been saying " I never thought of that" quite a bit. You must know what is going on. Maybe you can tell the doctor of this problem and he can call you later .