losing my mom

I'm so sorry for your loss.  *hugs*  I feel strongly that we are our own worst critics.  I would never be as hard on anyone as I am on myself.  And in my situation, it's because the people I'm caring for, my family, are the most important in the world to me.  Of course they deserve the best!  Can I always provide it?  No.  But do I always love them and let them know that?  Yes.  No other caregiver or facility can do that.  You are your mother's child.  No one could ever take your place to her.  Have faith that she took comfort in having you near in her final days.  I'm sure that was a huge comfort to her. 

One thing I may suggest is finding a local grief support group.  I'm betting the emotions you are experiencing are normal and others who have been in same situation have some great advice on how to cope with them.  Hopefully someone else will reply to you here, as well.

I can totally relate to the guilt. Its almost exactly a year since my mom passed on. 

I would like to have been able to do more, but I did the best I could.  Which wasn't always what I wish I could have been able to do.  I wanted to be superwoman.  Ha! So I've finally been able to come to a place where  I stopped beating myself up.  I feel more compassonate to others now.... understanding how hard it can be. 

btw,our local hospice organization has 8 week bereavement support groups.  A friend did that last year and found it really helpful.  I find it really helpful to just talk.  Most hospitals have groups too.

It was kind of funny -  just after my mom died I was at work, and  a woman came in for something and we started talking about all sorts of stuff, and then I just started blurting out about my mom, and she opened right up and told me all about her mom and losing her and it was just, well sort of sweet and amazing.

Missy you have such great perspective.  I just love that about being your mother's child.

hugs to you!

I totally understand about guilt surrounding your love one. I can't say I know exactly what you are feeling since mine is still alive. I know that you were there with your mom providing all the love anyone can show. No I didn't say perfectly but to the best of your ability. A mother knows the heart of their child for she held it close to her own for 9 months. There never seems enough time for anything anymore but you showed her love in one way or another everyday. Losing her hurts and will always to some degree, but carry her close to your heart always remembering we don't go by our feelings because they are fickle, but we go by knowing that grace was shown to her through you.

Charlene