Planning Your Parents' Move: A Step-by-Step Guide

The decision to move -- whether to an independent living community, assisted living community, or nursing home -- is only the beginning of what can be a long and challenging journey. Helping your parents through this important transition takes research and planning. Here's a step-by-step guide to smoothing your parents' way to their new home and the next phase of their lives.

1. Talk to your parents -- and don't forget to listen. Even though moving will often improve your parents' quality of life, it's also likely to stir up all kinds of emotions, and even trigger what Nan Hayes, founder of Moveseniors.com, calls "transition trauma." Many seniors are filled with anxiety about what a move will mean. They may see moving as a sign of defeat and a harbinger of increasing loss of control and independence.

The listening part should come first -- find out as much as you can about your parents' health, needs, fears, and hopes so you can help them make the best choice possible.

After that, it's your turn to talk. Help your parents understand that moving can be "just as freeing as going away to college," Hayes says. The range of options has broadened tremendously since their own parents' day, and as the human lifespan gets longer and longer, a late-in-life move has come to be a rite of passage just as natural as going to college or buying a starter home. If you can help your parents see a move as a positive transition rather than a defeat, you'll be off to a good start.

2. Consider bringing in the pros. The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers has chapters across the country and can help you find a trained care manager who can help assess the level of care your parents need, find senior communities in your area, navigate the application process, and prepare for a move. These services can be especially useful if you don't live in the same state as your parents and can't be there to manage the day-to-day aspects of their transition.

3. Get your parents' home appraised. If your parents are planning to sell their home to finance a move, today's topsy-turvy housing market makes a professional appraisal a must before assessing their financial position.

4. Help get your parents' finances in order. This is crucial in order to know what kind of care your parents can afford and how they plan to pay for it. Also, many continuing care retirement communities and other facilities will ask for thorough documentation of your parents' income and assets in order to be sure they'll be able to pay for their care over the long haul.

If your parents don't have an accountant who can help you pull the paperwork together, the Society of Certified Senior Advisors can refer you to a financial planner who specializes in assisting older clients.

5. Talk to a doctor. Deciding what kind of community is best for your parent is a medical decision as well as a personal one. Your parents' family physician may be able to evaluate them and make a recommendation. If not, ask for a referral to a geriatrician who can do a full evaluation, or go to the American Medical Association's Doctor Finder and search under "geriatrics" in your area.

6. Shop around. In most areas of the country, there's a wide range of options when it comes to eldercare communities. A good place to start is the U.S. Administration on Aging's Eldercare Locator, a searchable nationwide database. Your local Area Agency on Aging should be able to steer you to local communities. Your local Chamber of Commerce might also be able to help. Once you've narrowed down the list, tour several different places -- with your parents -- and make sure to take time to talk to residents, eat a meal, and really get the feel of the place before making a decision.

7. Read the fine print. Yes, those long contracts can be overwhelming, but don't give in to the temptation to skim documents before signing (or asking your parents to do so). The contracts and agreements that come with moving into any kind of community may well spell out the parameters of the care your parents will -- or won't -- receive for the rest of their lives, so make sure you, and they, understand exactly what you're agreeing to before putting pen to paper.

If you spot something worrisome or have questions the facility can't answer to your satisfaction, the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys can refer you to a lawyer who can go over the paperwork with you.

8. Plan the move logistics carefully. Downsize and deal with belongings now to avoid moving day chaos. An estate liquidator can often help you with selling what your parents won't need, and a senior move manager can help with all the logistics. Moveseniors.com has a searchable database of certified relocation and transition specialists.

9. Sell the house later, if possible. Moving is hard enough without asking your parents to go through living in a home that a realtor is showing to prospective buyers. If your parents have the assets to finance a move in the short run -- or if you can lend them the deposit or entrance fee -- move first, sell later is the way to go. If your parents are moving to a community where they have to buy an apartment or condominium, a mortgage broker may be able to help them get a "bridge loan" to cover the down payment until they sell their home.

10. Stick around. A move may be the best thing for your parents, but it's going to be exhausting for them, physically and emotionally. A good senior community will offer plenty of support during the transition, but if you're able to make time for extra visits in the days or weeks after the move, it will help reassure your parents that the most important things in their life -- like family -- aren't going to change.